You did What??? On your First Day?

Uneventful flight. Those of you who got last year's e-mails know that the flight, and subsequent Cirque du Roissy were incredibly rich veins of comedic ore, but, zoot alors, this year the plane landed 45 minutes early, rolled up to an actual gate, and delivered me dry luggage. I found the bus, shoved my 40 kilos of luggage underneath it, and took the ride into Paris.

I brought an umbrella, because for a week now, they've said it would rain in Paris on Tuesday. They lied. It's beautiful. The temperature is in the 60's, le meteo is not tres mal, it is not pluie pluie pluie as threatened, it is soleil. And, the trees not only have leaves, they have more leaves than back in Alameda. And they are green. It's pretty amazing.

On a map of Paris, you can find the peripherique, the ring road. If, like me, you are contemplating a trip to the Normandy beaches to celebrate Veteran's day, you have thought about taking the Metro to a car rental agency at the peripherique, then driving to Normandy.

Today, I learned, at mid-day, that is a recipe for a lifetime supply of melancholy. It's a parking lot, plain and simple.

And yet, at the end, we did something that most visitors to Paris never, ever get to do -- hell, most Parisians don't dare this. The bus drives down the Boulevard de la Grande Armee, which ends in a kind of a traffic circle at l'arc du triomphe, known locally as "l'etoile", or the star.

This is because 12 major boulevards end at the circle.

It's cobblestone.

It's nominally 5 or 6 lanes wide.

People enter from all 12 streets, and exit onto all 12 streets.

At about 30 MPH

From anywhere, going anywhere. I saw people take a 90-degree right turn from the inside lane across 5 drivers' paths (you can't possibly call them lanes), 3 of whom were driving at oblique angles to the 90-degree drivers. It is, to put it kindly, free-form driving; after experiencing it, one wishes that those animated trading cards in Harry Potter really existed, because this one would just be called "anarchy."

The bus stops just outside the circle, and there is a taxi stand across the street. Who says the French can't do anything convenient? It worked just great.

AND, I GOT TO GO THROUGH THE CIRCLE AGAIN! IN SOMETHING THAT DIDN'T WEIGH 5 TONS! The driver spoke no English, and my first day in-country on zero hours of sleep, I was barely able to get the address out in an intelligible fashion, but when a couple of utterly daft drivers (and that's by Parisian standards -- you have to be daft to even own a car here, to begin with, but these were the "daftest of the daft") flummoxed him, I was able to tell him that it was the same in America -- drivers are oblivious to the world -- and he got a good laugh and lightly corrected my patois-cum-Francais.

The apartment is very Parisian -- geraniums in the windows, and the top of le tour Eiffel is visible from both the kitchen and bedroom windows. Through the big (20 foot high) wooden doors on the street, down a short passageway, through the wood and frosted glass doors, across the courtyard, through the next set of wood and frosted glass doors, et voila! You are at the foot of a set of worn-swaybacked steps, 10 to be exact, after which you enter the code and open the door to the building.

On your right are the worn-swaybacked wooden stairs. 85 of them. I walked 530 stairs just to get the bags upstairs and then get back to the street. Please note -- I have not even been near a Metro station yet -- you remember the Paris Metro -- the world's largest Warehouse of Stairs! Nobody Beats the Met! Kelli, if you are reading this, stop right now and go do 20 minutes on the exercise bike. Twice a day. You have 10 days, use them wisely. I'll expect you to carry me by time you get here.

That's all for today. I'm saving the story of the internet connection for later. I need to get out and do a little shopping -- I have 6 eggs in the fridge, no bread or butter, and I don't think I'll be able to stay awake long enough to eat out tonight, so I'd best hit the hustings whilst I still can. Also: I have a long interview with Cal basketball coach Ben Braun to transcribe and turn into a gripping and fascinating article in the next two days -- this really is a working vacation -- but I wanted everyone to know that I arrived safely (if not quite soundly), solved the riddle of the door codes, phoned home just like E.T., and, wonder of wonders, got the computer working on the internet.

I'll take some photos and add them soon, but for now, here's one from the last trip.